I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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