Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
