fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
