That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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