I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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