we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
