I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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