I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
