...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
