This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
they're like a gay fantastic four
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
