I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
