This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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