I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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