You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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