You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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