OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
