Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
