It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want a musical about memes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
