So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
