I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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