I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your cock deserves a montage
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
