Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
