Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
