i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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