I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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