also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
