As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
