I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
