I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
