I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
