It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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