Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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