well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
