I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
