omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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