She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
