After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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