shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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