jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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