do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
