CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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