If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
