I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
only you would photoshop your dick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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