so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
