On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
