So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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