you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
