I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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