Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
