I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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